Religious Differences
This is going to seem so small and petty but now that you’re with a protestant, you have to hold on to your catholic lingo. I have noticed that catholics say someone died or passed away, never ‘passed’. Believe it or not, I’ve noticed this and it always felt foreign to me. And I’ve noticed protestant people say it. But I’ve never heard a Catholic say it. Hold on to your heritigage, girl. Don’t let those protestants change you. Next thing I know you’ll be saying you’ll be telling me to have a bless’d day. I hope you know this is tongue in cheek, but based on truth. Yes, I’m very small. Noone sees this email but you, right?
Your perfect mother,
Me
Backwards World
I’m living in backwards world! Mother has on thick winter socks, a jacket, & is under an afghan. Dad has on a wool jacket. It is 75 n house cuz I sneaked thermostat down 5 degrees! When I get old, u r gonna have 2 tell me shit straight up.
The Momma Mafia
Hey guys, just accept my myspace invite for playing mafia wars. It will let me try to beat the crap out of daddy if you join my mafia family. You don’t really have to do anything, I don’t think but you might get killed off of my family if you don’t play too. It really is a more solo game to play than group play. But I could use the ‘numbers’ in my family.
MOM
Your Little Sister & ‘Goth Stuff’
Mom: yes, your little sister’s new college roomie seems nice. she’s from a large catholic family in minnesota, so you don’t need to worry about her getting into all that ‘goth stuff’.
discussion on boy and girl anatomy parts
Good news! I called Huffy who makes the retro bike she REALLY wants, and asked if they make it in 24″ and they do! (BUT) only for Walmart! So, I got on line and ordered a 24″ Huffy Cranbrook Cruiser and got free shipping to boot! Dad and I were having an intense verbal exchange about my lack of coordination and driving skills while I attempted to ride (in the store) the 26″ Cranbrook Crusier that we found at the Alabaster walmart. It also led us into discussion on boy and girl anatomy parts. I tried to explain to him that girls parts are on the inside so it has to be comfortable to ride and that boy parts were on the outside, so it didn’t matter. He had a field day with that one, because I forgot they have a group down there, not just a solo performer! Oh, oh, almost forgot…so I ordered it and it was cheaper than the 26″…$79.00 instead of $95 and with tax it was $85.00. Okay, gotta go. mom
Toe Bruise Update
Hi Kitten. You will be very happy to know that I was picking at my toenails and the swelling under it popped and all this black stuff came out onto the floor. It looks much better now.
Dog Language
Mom: It’s funny, I leave food out for the dogs all day and they don’t touch it. They wait until I’m there and then they gorge it all down. They’re like, ‘Karen’s home! Time to eat!’
Me: They call you Karen? Doesn’t that bother you?
Mom: Well, they know I’m not their mom. Actually, I’m sure they have some special name for me in dog-language that I don’t understand, but I’m sure it is very respectable.
Help Wanted
I need to hire a housekeeper. If I make contact with your person, I will discuss pay, but if you care to tell me how much you pay, that would help. Also, I wish that you would be honest in your assessment of the individual. I have been burned twice recently and I would just as soon do it myself rather than get another problem child. And, if you’d like to forward this e-mail to any of your friends, please feel free to do so. MUST be legal. MUST speak English in order to answer the phone and handle emergencies. Will not have to do laundry (except folding sometimes) but will need to iron and also polish silver. Prefer to have someone either Tuesday,Wednesday or Thursday for about 6 hours (Can leave earlier if finished.). It would be nice if she has other employers who are flexible enough to be able to switch occasionally. I would like some references, if possible. I do not care where this person is from or what color she is, but I need to be able to undertand her.
Rogue Thongs On Mom’s (Cedar) Chest
OK - so whose blue satin bag of laundry in my entry way and whose thong on the cedar chest in the hallway????????????????????
xo
“Funky” Holidays
Happy Holocaust Remembrance Day! My calendar has all these ‘funky’ holidays that I’ve never heard of before. Just thought you would want to know and remember.
Love xoxomom