Smelling good times!!
We kept smelling something horrible in the garage and we thought that maybe a mouse had come in and died or something like that. Well, guess what it was? Rockefella’s old cat litter. When you cleaned out his litter box you put it in a bag and placed it in a trash can that Dad doesn’t use often because we never have enough trash to fill up all three. Anyway, Rockafella’s liter has been in our garbage can since you all were here on Memorial Weekend. Yep! Smelling good times!! With all of that heat last week things were really smellin’ good. Ha! Ha!
Mom
Have you stopped using anti-perspirant?
Here’s the worried mom talking “Are you eating well? Have you stopped using anti-perspirant? Will you have fun at Symphony Hall tonight? What’s new? What’s old?”
Give me a reassuring e-mail so that I know you aren’t huddled in a corner, starving, and lonely!!!
Love,
Llama
Consume, Digest, Then Poo
Offspring - I am cancelling the reservation to Arun’s restaurant. People are losing everything to the flooding in Iowa; people are losing their homes from bank foresclosures (USA Today highlighted a family who took out a home equity loan for $100,000 - their house is now worth $60,000); the price of oil is making travel via car or air prohibitive yada yada yada and I am going to have my hard working princess daughters spend $100 each for a fancy dinner - food we consume, digest then poo? I would rather spend money supporting the local restaurants. Mama
Maybe they are a cult
I read a couple of notes from the moms and feel like as a mother I have been underachieving. Very little humor in my notes but I am not admitting to being a bore. I’ll have to work a bit harder to entertain you so I can make the big time web pages. Talk about pressure!
I liked the one mom that signed her missive Momzilla. I am not that type of mom but can appreciate her. Loved the idea of the Red Hat Society being dumped. Talk about a cultural joke! I guess they don’t see it that way or else they wouldn’t do such wierd stuff and open themselves up for ridicule. Maybe they are a cult.
Missing Feet
It’s 2330 I’m just going to bed… but the news is all about the feet washing up on our coast……….. just so you know…… I and everyone I know still have both feet. There may however be a business opportunity for the sale of shoes or should I say shoe?
Cheers Mom
Locked Out
Backstory: I e-mailed my mom to tell her (after bragging about not doing it for several months) I had finally locked myself out of the house.
I remember the time I locked you in the car accidentally when you were napping and at the same time I was locked out of the apartment cause the keys were attached to the same ones that were in the car. . (I did it twice). I had to call your Dad to come get you out and get us in the apartment. Yeah, good times. Haaaaaaaa………. Not funny, well sort of.
I’m SO ADD! I’m trying to pack, not very well. A long haul move is much easier to pack for than a short 5 minute move, cause you keep saying “Oh, I’ll just put this in the car like it is”…. UGH!
Have a better day. I think I would rather be working for cash than this working. Nah…. just kidding. Love ya,Mom
Are you going to be a f***ing potato doctor???
Backstory: I sent my mom a particularly entertaining YouTube video involving a choir of singing potatoes. She was either inspired by the Budweiser ‘Swear Jar’ commercial I also sent along, or she was *very* concerned I wasn’t taking medical school very seriously…
Child, stop watching f***ing youtubes and get the h*** back to work!! What the s*** do you think you’re doing? Are you going to be a f***ing potato doctor??? Love,
Your G**D*** Mother
naked grandson
hey I just bought Davey an outfit from Nordstroms and it should be there next MOnday- it is adorable- I just had to buy it- hope it fits this summer while we are traveling! dont’ want my grandoson traveling with no clothes on!! we will have to take a lot for him because we won’t have a washer for almost a week! yikes!!!
Order the Trip tik tomorrow please!! love you Momieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
your mother is no floozy!
hi darling,
I must say the holiday in France was a crazy one to tell you! i ended up in a jacuzzi with four very odd men singing bohemian rhapsody with a beer hat on supplying me with famous grouse….now i know what you must be thinking but i can tell you your mother is no floozy! but hey can you say you’ve done that!
ps please don’t do that….
love you, mum
Grandma Names
Backstory: I got a new puppy.
Hi! How is life as a parent? Did puppy keep you up last night?
I’m thinking of my grandma name. I’m thinking that I’m either Nina or Honey. Dad is Papa. Nina is the name of the Diane Keaton character in Father of the Bride, and she becomes a grandma in the second movie.
Honey is what everyone called Amy’s mom. Amy’s kids just copied their grandpa when he yelled for her.
If you have heard of another good grandma replacement, let me know. Puppy probably won’t be saying the word…but he will be thinking it.